{"title":"🫩 Sweatshirts","description":null,"products":[{"product_id":"unisex-premium-sweatshirt","title":"Middle Age Is Weird","description":"\u003cp dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex Premium Sweatshirt | Cotton Heritage M2480\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\"\u003eThe official uniform of the weird middle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\"\u003eYou’re too young for the senior discount and too old to know what any of the TikTok dances mean.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\"\u003eThe 20-year-olds think you’re basically a historical artifact because you remember life before Wi-Fi. The 70-year-olds pat you on the head and call you \"kid\" because your back only goes out \u003cem\u003esometimes\u003c\/em\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\"\u003eMeanwhile, you are in the kitchen, reading glasses halfway down your nose, 3 inches from the tube, trying to read the directions on the pain cream for an injury you sustained while PULLING UP YOUR UNDERWEAR.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\"\u003eNot skiing. Not CrossFit. Underwear. You injured yourself getting dressed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\"\u003eWelcome to middle age. It’s weird here. It’s sore here. This sweatshirt helps.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"font-semibold\" data-streamdown=\"strong\"\u003eWhy this sweatshirt is your new pain-cream-reading companion:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"font-semibold\" data-streamdown=\"strong\"\u003eIt’s premium for your premium aches.\u003c\/span\u003e This isn't that cheap, crunchy, boxy sweatshirt from high school that smells like old gym socks. This is the Cotton Heritage M2480. It's the sweatshirt equivalent of a really good heating pad. Plush, buttery-soft premium cotton\/poly blend that doesn't pill, doesn't fade, and doesn't make you itch when your skin is already mad at you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"font-semibold\" data-streamdown=\"strong\"\u003eThe perfect hiding spot:\u003c\/span\u003e Unisex, modern fit that looks good whether you're hiding the extra 10 pounds that appeared overnight or just hiding from your responsibilities for 5 minutes. Big, deep kangaroo pocket? No, this is the classic crew. It has that clean look that says \"I have my life together\" even when you're wearing it to buy more reading glasses at Dollar Tree.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"font-semibold\" data-streamdown=\"strong\"\u003eBuilt for the long, weird middle:\u003c\/span\u003e This thing will outlast your current pair of readers. Ribbed cuffs and waistband actually stay where they should. No stretching out. No getting saggy and sad like your knees at 6am.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"font-semibold\" data-streamdown=\"strong\"\u003eCold weather? Hot flash?\u003c\/span\u003e It’s got you covered. Light enough to not make you sweat through it during a random hot flash, warm enough for those mornings when your joints are the weather forecast.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"font-semibold\" data-streamdown=\"strong\"\u003eFor the person who:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003eKeeps IcyHot in the junk drawer, the bathroom drawer, AND the car. Takes 20 minutes to read a menu because the lighting is bad and your arms aren't long enough. Knows that \"pulling something\" now includes sleep.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\"\u003ePut it on. Grab your readers. Grab your cream. You’ve earned this.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"font-semibold\" data-streamdown=\"strong\"\u003eDetails:\u003c\/span\u003e Cotton Heritage M2480 - 12.5 oz, 60% cotton \/ 40% polyester premium fleece, unisex classic crew fit, super soft interior, no-pill finish, made to live in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eRock a classic sweatshirt silhouette with ribbed crew neck, long sleeve cuffs, and a flat hem. Layer it up or wear it on its own for a contemporary streetwear look. With the soft fleece inside and comfortable fit, it’s sure to become your favorite everyday sweater right away!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% cotton face\u003cbr\u003e• 65% cotton, 35% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Charcoal Heather is 55% cotton, 45% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 8.5 oz\/y² (288.2 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e• Tightly knit 3-end fleece \u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Self-fabric patch on the back\u003cbr\u003e• Double-needle stitched rib collar, cuffs, and hem\u003cbr\u003e• Blank product sourced from Pakistan\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDisclaimer: This sweatshirt runs small. For the perfect fit, we recommend ordering one size larger than your usual size.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThis product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhy You'll Love It:\u003c\/strong\u003e This bust a gut funny shirt is one of our funny sarcastic t-shirts that makes everyone laugh. Perfect funny gift for birthdays and holidays.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"heritagehumor.com","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":67718333169795,"sku":"1320674_11254","price":38.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":68186389741699,"sku":"1320674_11255","price":38.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":68186389774467,"sku":"1320674_11256","price":38.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":68186389807235,"sku":"1320674_11257","price":38.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":68186389840003,"sku":"1320674_11258","price":42.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":68186389872771,"sku":"1320674_13258","price":45.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Navy Blazer \/ S","offer_id":68186389905539,"sku":"1320674_13252","price":38.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Navy Blazer \/ 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Be a laxative. Move","description":"\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eYou Don't Have To Be Everyone's Cup Of Tea. Be A Laxative. Move People. Cleanse Them.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eForget being liked. Liked is boring. Liked is lukewarm tea sitting on the counter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou were made to MOVE people. To shift the energy. To make them laugh, make them uncomfortable, make them leave if they need to. You don't just warm the room - you cleanse it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is for the ones who are done people-pleasing. The ones who speak up in the meeting. The ones who love hard, cuss a little, and have a zero-tolerance policy for fake.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePut it on. Feel instantly less concerned about what Becky thinks.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Gildan® 18000 - The Sweatshirt That Can Handle You:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe put this savage little mantra on the king of crewnecks for a reason. The 18000 is the one everyone steals out of your closet.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Perfect Heavy Blend:\u003c\/strong\u003e 50% cotton \/ 50% polyester, 8oz of pill-resistant, pre-shrunk comfort. Warm without the sauna, soft without the wimp-out. It holds up wash after wash - just like your boundaries.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic, No-BS Fit:\u003c\/strong\u003e Loose enough to layer, fitted enough to not look like you borrowed it from your dad. Ribbed collar, cuffs and waistband that actually stay tight.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePrinted to Piss People Off (In a Good Way):\u003c\/strong\u003e Bold, vintage-inspired lettering with our signature cute-but-unhinged teacups. High contrast so it reads across the grocery store.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eFor Everyone Who Gets It:\u003c\/strong\u003e Unisex S - 5XL. For nurses, teachers, moms, grandmas who don't play, therapists who are tired, and anyone who has ever been called \"a lot.\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWear it when:\u003c\/strong\u003e You're running on caffeine and audacity. You're setting boundaries. You're the designated truth-teller in the friend group.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWash cold. Tumble low. 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